Dear Neighbor,
Please let me begin by reminding you that the walls in our apartment building are very thin. I am not a voyeuristic person, or at least I imagine that I’m no more voyeuristic than the average person. But you’ll have to admit that when one lives in a city like New York, where so many people are living in such close proximity, one gives up a certain amount of privacy. So I have to admit that sometimes, yes, I can hear you through my bathroom wall having sex.
If you’ve read this far, you may be asking yourself, “who is this pervert and why has he written me a letter?” Let me assure you that I am no pervert. That is to say, I am no more perverted than I am voyeuristic. It just occurs to me that if I can hear what goes on in your bedroom, you can probably hear what goes on in my bathroom. So please accept this letter by way of an apology.
I’m sorry if you’ve ever been awakened or disturbed by any rude noises coming from my bathroom. I can only imagine how embarrassing it must be to be privy to someone else’s ablutions, especially if you’re trying to get “in the mood.” I flatter myself by hoping that my shower singing compensates in some small way for the intrusion. Indeed, if you ever wish me to switch to something more romantic, please just knock twice on the wall. I’m willing to help in any way I can.
Thank you very much for your understanding.
Yours truly,
gms
p.s. I am not a pervert.
